4. Taking time to create you…
I talked about my kids in # 3 and how important their emotional and mental health was especially after divorce. Well…I screwed up…badly! Just another thing I didn’t get about divorce until going through it,
What added to my daughter’s despair was a rebound relationship that started for me just a month after the divorce. I didn’t give either one of us time to deal with our new normal as a family. I can’t change what happened but I certainly learned from it. So many things I Didn’t “Get” about Divorce until Going through It!
You need time for your children to adjust and to create the woman you want to be post-divorce! I didn’t do that and I think it’s common for a lot of divorced people. It’s easy to fall from where your mind and heart know you need to be. Even when you know that you need to take time for yourself first and be there for your children, you have this new freedom. You’re excited when someone pays attention to you. You feel like a teenager again! So I get it when men and women jump right back into the dating ring.
I ended the toxic, rebound relationship after a little over a year. I tried many times to end it, but it wasn’t working. Those that knew me no longer saw the person I was, strong-willed and independent. To let someone control me was not in my character, but I let it happen.
I guess I was weakened from divorce and feeling unworthy. The control and the manipulation were so heavy that I didn’t have the strength to end it when I should have. As I began to gain emotional strength, I was certain that I didn’t want Alexa to think that the way I was being treated was acceptable on any level. I needed to respect myself and show her that any relationship that has lack of respect for you as a woman and as a person is NOT OK.
Finally, I was able to focus. Taking the time I needed to adjust to life after divorce. I took the time to create me. I’m not using the phrase “find me” because I wasn’t lost. I needed to set priorities, be a good role model, and develop myself as a single mom. To think about and establish what I wanted and needed from that point forward in life. Furthermore, I didn’t trust my judgment in men any longer. Do you blame me! So many things I didn’t “Get” about divorce until going through it!
My journey wasn’t that concise. It took a lot of prayer and inner reflection. This exact phrase was said to me, “If you don’t stay with me, you will die alone.” Thankfully by the grace of God, my faith was stronger than those words! I had my faith, my kids, my health, a great family, and friends. Turns out, I was pretty good alone!
Content is how I describe myself when I wasn’t dating, Do not misunderstand me, I wasn’t lonely. I didn’t sit around for 4 years and wish I had a relationship. It truly was the best thing I could have done for myself and my children. When I was ready to date, my mind and my heart were clear. I knew what I was looking for and I didn’t settle!
Happiness is knowing you’ve survived the storm to feel the warmth and the comfort of the sunshine…
