One of the tough things about dealing with my divorce was that none of my friends were divorced. So identifying your tribe is important during divorce. That even though statistics say about half of all marriages end in divorce, my circle was 0% divorced. Yep, that’s right….0%! That in and of itself was a very isolating fact. I had no one, not one person in my friend circle that was living as a single parent or walked the path to divorce…Which was great for them! However, for me, I realized quickly that life doesn’t wait for you. Everyone goes about being married with children doing what they do…as they should.
The Need To Vent
When going through a divorce, there’s times when you need to vent. You’re consumed with getting things off your chest and social cues go by the wayside. Not only that, your friend’s threshold for listening to the details about your marriage and subsequent divorce starts high then becomes very low. They grow tired of hearing about it. Yeah, they want the dirt initially; but then they just don’t care anymore nor should they. So you see identifying your tribe is important during divorce.
Who Will Support You and Who Won’t
Don’t assume that the support will be there from all the women you know, let alone the ones you don’t know. Unfortunately, a universal “girl code” doesn’t exist when it comes to divorce. There’s both women and men who think they know what living in your house was like. They don’t…nor will they ever know. There will be those who want you to believe that everything about their life is always perfect…It’s not! There will be those who think that they know the protocol for dealing with divorce. You don’t until you actually go through it yourself. Note to self: Those people are not part of your tribe. People who need to tell you how great their life is while yours is falling apart and who judge you for the way you are handling it are not part of your tribe.
Find those people who are in your corner; who validate your feelings, do not judge you and in a loving way aren’t afraid to call you out and give you the advice you need when the venting leads to self-destruction. And keep that group small. You don’t need to vent to everyone. Take inventory of your friends and share with those you can trust. Sharing too much with too many people can leave you feeling vulnerable. Going through a divorce, you need the kind of support that strengthens you and doesn’t betray you. You will quickly learn who is on your team. You may be surprised about the friends who rise to the occasion and those that don’t. Be thankful for those that do!
Appreciate Those That Support You
During that stage of my divorce, to those of you that listened to me and didn’t get annoyed or judge me, THANK YOU! To those of you that just wanted me to shut up, I APOLOGIZE. There isn’t anything wrong with wanting, needing or getting validation/support from the family and friends that are closest to you. You have enough to handle without worrying about people that do not support you. Let them go.
God gives people to you for a reason, a season or for life. Women that showed up for me are lifers….true blessings! You will know quickly who is going to be your cheerleader, who’s going to be present for you every time. Once those people are identified, you know where your safe haven is, who you can trust and who has the purest of intentions when listening to you. Regardless of the number of people that show up for you, be it friends or family, value those that do and try not to put too much energy into worrying about the ones that don’t!
Tell me about your tribe! I know they showed up for you!
#1 thing I didn’t get click Here
#3 thing I didn’t get click Here
#4 thing I didn’t get click Here
Disclaimer: I am not a professional. These are my opinions only.
