So, you know I got married this summer and it was everything I thought it would be! I love our relationship! We are on the same page, have the same beliefs, are both practicing Catholics, hard workers, and do-it-yourself-ers. Family is everything to both of us. We enjoy each other’s company tremendously! We are truly a great match! Having said that, there’s 4 Things I Didn’t “Get” about Divorce until Going through It!
How did I get to this place of true happiness? It was a long road and not one for the weary. The road to and back from divorce can be long and slow. There were days when I questioned, prayed, laughed, prayed, cried, prayed, relived many moments of marriage and prayed. I took inventory of my life and where I’d been and where I needed to go.
My story isn’t more pitiful and I didn’t handle it with more grace than anyone that’s ever been through it. However, in the time I’ve been divorced, a lot of discovery has taken place. For me to approach it like that, has helped me to heal. Regardless of the reasons that couples divorce, everyone needs time to heal. Time that I didn’t initially take for myself….shame on me!
I’ve thought a lot about writing on this topic and how to approach it. Therefore, I’m going to break it down by the 4 things I truly didn’t understand until I was going through a divorce and divorced.
1. Resentment & Bitterness are Killers of the Soul…
Anyone who goes through a divorce or is around someone who is divorced knows that every husband and wife has their own version of what led to it. Sometimes it’s skewed sometimes it’s not. What I’ve learned is no matter how much you know your version is the truth, the other person’s version is always the truth too. Do you get what I’m saying? Everyone has a truth. It isn’t your job to make sure people know your truth. Putting too much energy into proclaiming your truth or disputing your spouse’s truth for sure leads to bitterness and resentment.
If you’re wondering…Nope, I’m not going to throw stones….believe me there was a time when I’d have said the hell with throwing them, just give me a damn bulldozer so I can shove everything and everyone involved out-of-the-way and deal with the aftermath later. However, 8 years later…..I’m not going to play the blame game. There’s a short window for allowing that to happen without hurting yourself in the process.
By allowing the blame game to continue to gain momentum, the only person it truly affects is you. Bitterness and resentment claim too much real estate of the heart. Growth slows or completely stops, crippling your ability to move forward. As difficult as it may be, you have to find a way to get through it. For some, it happens faster than for others. I wish I could tell you my exact turning point but I can’t. I just know that I wasn’t that fond of myself when I let resentment and bitterness get the best of me. Getting through it was a gradual process with a whole lot of prayer!
The most important thing is that you allow yourself to get through it. Believe me, it’s hard and it takes time. Moreover, it takes the support and patience of the people closest to you. Everyone’s journey through a divorce is different. Choose your tribe carefully and you will get there.
Whether you have been through a divorce, are a friend or family member of someone dealing with divorce or a child of divorce, what is your take on resentment and bitterness? No judgment!
Tomorrow I will release #2 of what I didn’t “get” about divorce until going through it. What do you think it is? I’ve already given you a hint! Did you catch it?
Disclaimer: I am not a professional. These are my opinions only about the 4 Things I Didn’t “Get” about Divorce until Going through It.
#2 thing I didn’t get click Here
#3 thing I didn’t get click Here
#4 thing I didn’t get click Here
